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  UNLIKE CHUCK AND HAKEEM, I LIVE AND BREATHE VENGEANCE. WE COULD HAVE SPITROASTED SECDEF OVER A ROARING FIRE. WE COULD HAVE LOPPED OFF SOMEONE'S TWEETING THUMBS AND DISSOLVED THEM IN ACID IN THE REFLECTING POOL. WE COULD HAVE DUG UP CHARLIE KIRK AND DEPORTED HIS BONES TO EL SALVADOR. WE COULD HAVE PACKED THE COURT WITH VISCOUS TOXIC SLUDGE. BUT I PURSUE POLITICS BY OTHER MEANS.

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  I'VE BEEN HAVING A HELL OF A TIME SINCE I RAN OVER THAT ETSY WITCH WITH MY CAR REPEATEDLY.

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  WATCHING ALIEN AND APPRECIATING HOW COLD BLOODED JONES THE CAT IS. HE WATCHED THE XENOMORPH STRAIGHT FUCKING EAT BRETT AND HE DIDN'T BAT AN EYE.

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  "THAT MONDO KILLER WORM IS MY GOD. IT SHITS OUT THE MOST VALUABLE THING IN THE UNIVERSE. IT'S BLOOD IS POISON AND IF IT TOUCHES WATER IT'LL DIE. OH AND IT'S MY CAR."

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  SO LONG, WORTHY ADVERSARY. YOU OVERSOLD EARTH THOUGH.

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  IMAGINE BEING BORN ONTO AN ABUNDANT WET GARDEN ROCK AND STILL MAKING PEOPLE SLEEP ON THE SIDEWALK.

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  A MACHINE THAT MULCHES TERFS FOR FERTILIZER PURPOSES.

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  I'M ALLOWED TO KILL YOU IF YOU BUY ONE OF THOSE FLYING TESLAS.

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  WE COULD HAVE MORE BOT FARM APOCALYPSES BUT YOU PLAYIN'

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  BEING A HATER COSTS NOTHING. WHICH, IN HINDSIGHT, WAS A BIG MISTAKE BY THE HATER COMMUNITY.

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  A LESSON OF TRUMP, OR COVID, OR MAMDANI, OR EVEN ME IS THAT THERE ARE TREMENDOUS ADVANTAGES TO BEING SOMETHING THAT THE SYSTEM CANNOT UNDERSTAND.

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  THE SYSTEM ISN'T BROKEN, YOU JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S SUPPOSED TO MAKE.

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  EVERY DAY IS AN ADVENTURE WHEN YOU'RE FUCKING STUPID.

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  BE TOO WEIRD FOR A.I. TO REPLACE.

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  DID YOU SHITLORDS THINK I WOULDN'T NOTICE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HELVETICA AND ARIAL?! WHO DID THIS? I WANT NAMES!!

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  WILL TRANSCENDENT SUPERINTELLIGENCE EMERGE FROM AN INFINITELY RECURSIVE DIET OF REDDIT THREADS? THE SHITTIEST PEOPLE IN EXISTENCE WANT TO FIND OUT.

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  I THOUGHT I KNEW WHAT THEY MEANT WHEN THEY SAID KASH PATEL WAS "POUNDING WILD TURKEY ALL NIGHT." NOW, I DON'T WANT TO KNOW.

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  GULAGS ARE BAD, FINE, WHATEVER, BUT WE SHOULD HAVE THEM AND I SHOULD BE IN CHARGE OF DECIDING WHO GETS SENT TO THEM.

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  SAW THE ELIZABETH HOLMES TRAILER AND, UH, YOU SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO MULCH ANYONE WHO SAYS "I'M NOT THAT PERSON" TO JUSTIFY THEIR OWN BEHAVIOR.

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  SPARE ME THE FLOWERY NICETIES, STATE FAIR, AND SHOW ME THE FATTEST PIG YOU'VE GOT.

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  REGARDLESS OF YOUR SEX, NORMALIZE TELLING J.D. VANCE TO SUCK YOUR DICK.

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  OMICRONIAN SPA DAY IS GOING ACCORDING TO PLAN. I AM ONE WITH THE MUD.

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  REMEMBER WHEN THE BLOWJOB GIRL ROBBED A BUNCH OF PEOPLE? BECAUSE EVERY TIME I DO IT MAKES ME SMILE.

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  I GOT INTO THE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS EARLY AND WOW AM I DRUNK.

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  I LOVE THE BEACH. I LOVE MY FAKE SHARK FIN EVEN MORE. THAT MOMENT BETWEEN WHEN THEY REALIZE THEY WON'T BE EATEN BY A SHARK AND WHEN THEY REALIZE THEY'LL BE EATEN BY ME DOES WHAT BACON BITS NEVER COULD.

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  NOBODY RUNS AWAY OR EVEN GAWPS AT ME IN PORTLAND. THEY JUST ASK ME THINGS LIKE "HEY MAN ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO RIDE YOUR BIKE ON THE LEFT OR RIGHT SIDE?" AND I SAY "HUH? I JUST GOT HERE" AND THEY'RE ALL LIKE "THAT'S WHAT THE FUCK I'M SAYING!" IT'S DISORIENTING.

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  RE: https://mastodon.social/@FuturamaGifs/116999023117010626 I'LL CONQUER SOMETHING TOMORROW AFTER I FUEL UP ON ONE OF YOUR DISGUSTING EGG WHITE OMELETS.

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  BREATHING HEAVILY AND GIVING THE KUBRICK STARE TO THE T.S.A. AGENT WORKS AT LEAST AS WELL AS PRECHECK, IN MY EXPERIENCE.

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  GODZILLA TRUDGING BACK TO THE OCEAN IN HER "PEOPLE'S CHAMPION" ROBE AFTER FAILING TO MAKE WEIGHT FOR THE FIGHT WITH GAMERA.

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  WHAT IS AURA FARMING? EXPLAIN IT TO ME LIKE I'M AFRAID OF THE YOUNG.