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  I once freaked out a boss at work by casually announcing "I think we need to call the hazmat team." After a pregnant pause I continued, "Clearly a tanker-load of stupid has crashed into and tainted the local water supply for the entire town, and it now appears to also be contagious." It took five seconds for them to finally snap out of crisis management mode and realize I was being a smartass. In my defense, (some) people were being extra fucking stupid that day.

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  Hello Again, Friends. I must once again ask for your assistance. Just as my scheduled hours at work finally started picking up, my partner's hours at his job have dipped. I've also got to make a hefty ($250) auto insurance payment since we've been carrying a past-due balance for so long. I've got to keep that policy active so my partner can commute to work. We've been living in this apartment that we love for almost a year now, and we've only been able to do so because...

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  GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE! I am thrilled to announce that I have successfully converted someone from the meatspace to the quiet pastures of beige.party and the #Fediverse! She's one of my dearest friends of over *cough* thirty *cough* years, and one of the wisest and also most hilarious people I've ever known. Please give a warm weirdo welcome to @dopaminehouse@beige.party!! Welcome, my friend! I adore this community and am excited to share it with you.

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  When you think about it, using a plunger is sort of like giving the heimlich to a toilet #shitpost

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  Hi everyone, Friends, I apologize for being somewhat absent here the last few weeks. I'm not sure what has been happening to me exactly, but the best way I can describe it is that I sort of "checked out" mentally. Despite everyday life recently seeming to be falling into place for once, I just can't seem to handle being alone with my thoughts. I can't even seem to concentrate on Mastodon or even just surfing the web. Music has little grip on me either. Basically I've...

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  A knuckle sandwich doesn't sound very appetizing, bit grisly with all those tendons and whatnot..

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  UPDATE: Good morning folks. We made some great progress the past few days but I'm getting worried as we draw closer to the deadline. This started with me hoping we'd somehow make it by midnight yesterday, and while we missed that goalpost we've still got a little bit more to go, and the sooner we make it the sooner I can extricate myself from the executive-paralysis I create for myself in any situation like this. ---------------------- Hello Everyone, My apologies for doing this...

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  oh fuck it's almost 3:30am whoops

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  EDIT: Apparently I'm not smart enough to think to try browsing in the official mastodon interface (tho in my defense, I find it to be a slow, clunky and bloated interface that I try to forget exists most of the time) before publicly bitching about filters. 🤦‍♂️ In the actual mastodon interface, it appears to be correctly filtering them now. Evidently there is something up with pinafore and variants not handling filters properly. ============================================ Apparently I'...