Ri

when Andrea Gibson was told they would likely benefit from a cancer medicine that would have sideeffects to their vision, at first they didn't want to take it.
But then they remembered that for years they had fans who would ask them for alt text when they posted a picture. And they realised these fans lived happy, full lives, and there was no reason but internalised ableism why Andrea Gibson couldn't do the same with or without good vision. And they embraced the medicine and the medicine made some of their tumors completely dissapeared.

I'm parafrasing the hell out of this, I heard it in an interview podcast last week, i think the episode was from 2023? It's been all my mind all week. I often feel like a burden (or worse) when I ask for alt text or other accomodations. But their fans asking for alt text through the years allowed Andrea Gibson to show themselves kindness when confronted with a possible future disability.

caww baby pictures

was laying down, but heard a sparrow squeek so loud/close that i had to sit up and grab my glasses. Then I found the sparrow with ease, on the balcony railing close to my door. To my delight, i then realised it was a baby! A loud squeek later a parent appeared and they flew off together. I was going to say I didn't make pictures but they came back while I was writing this so i have something blurry after all.

i had to close a balcony door for rain and looked down at the baby and poor thing was doing a startled jump with every rain drop that hit them. Poor thing, it's going to be pouring for at least an hour, better get used to it soon.

edit so not to alarm those who didn't see my recent posts: this specific baby has feathers, no need to call child support or anything.

gosh ordering groceries is such a big cognitive load

in this country, everything is overpriced but on sale every few weeks, so you need to constantly monitor sales and you're paying too much if you just order the same every week.
and then there's the allergies you need to be mindful of, and the budget, and the, oh this salad is better than the other salad i already clicked on, mental note to remove the other one, and do i need more of this product, or do i still have enough?
it's so fucking hard. and it normally doesn't, but today it also started an animation making me dizzy.

birdbaby looks fine, i just saw it again. Just sitting there, looking around, sipping from its drink. If it wasn't getting fed by its parents it would be noticebly weaker (or worse) by now. If anything i thought it looks a bit stronger compared to 2 days ago.

goodmorning

i wish you feel good

goodmorning

i wish you get support when you need it

I didn't know that today is a paid holiday for my cleaner and she doesn't have to work.
(it's a bit complicated. it's liberation day and that's a holiday every 5 years, not today, but the sector you work in can have decided it's a holiday every year for you).
My cleaner didn't know either. She was told yesterday after she asked why the planning was empty. They assumed she knew that.
Then my cleaner said: But all my clients are counting on me! I didn't tell them I wasn't coming! And then she decided that today is a normal working day after all.

goodmorning

i wish today goes well for you

Some nights when I can't sleep
and every cell of my body screams
the words I hear myself say are: I'm not gay

And I would kiss people from any possible gender
and in my light even the moon is queer
but still from time to time the thought says: I'm not gay

But what I mean
is what you mean

To some people who used to love me gay means:
'there's something wrong with you
you're so broken beyond fixing and by lack of repair the best thing we know is to hate you'

And to those people I want to say:
I'm not gay.
But you are, until you change your definition.

#PoetRi written in march 2024. 'I'm not gay' was an echolalia i had for many years, so i would randomly say that sentence several times every day. Shortly after I wrote this poem it shifted, and now my echolalia is 'i'm so gay'.

For the record, if you have ever done anything for attention,
this poem is attention, title it with your name

-Andrea Gibson

paper teeth cut into my flesh
they call it a papercut
harmless
only a quick sting
and yet
a killer by the thousands

the office in charge of making sure people get help
is saying guidelines
is saying procedure
is saying budget cuts
is saying people should learn to help themselves
is saying no

i try to mention
that i would not try to ask them,
the agency in charge of helping
if i had anywhere else to go
i didn't want to be here
being stung by their paperwork again

they try to not mention
that their purpose of giving help was long ago
but now their goal
mandated by a chain of people in charge of them
to spent as little money as possible
to spent as little love as possible
to tell me to learn to adapt to less and less of my needs getting met

they try not to mention
it's easier if i believe the problem is me
if I believe i wanted too much
and i didn't try hard enough
and my tone while asking was all wrong
and maybe i'm even gullible enough
to believe the problem is a lack of money
easier that way

less heartbreaking to have that job
if we all pretend 'there's nothing that can be done'
if we all pretend my needs are not worth being met
because i am 'difficult'
(which just means they don't have guidelines for my situation)

but i'm counting
every time they refuse to help
and every time they remind me of their refusal
as another papercut
and wonder when
i finally bleed out

#PoetRi

what if the landlords would tell me about the increase in rent without insisting to do so in a 'safe' email environment that makes me dizzy.

goofnight <3

submarine fiction is boring

lots of potential, but nobody moves past the same 3 tropes.

technical issues
techincal issues everywhere i look

Washington DC?
More like Washington DCLXVI.

What I know about living is the pain is never just ours
Every time I hurt I know the wound is an echo
So I keep a listening to the moment the grief becomes a window
When I can see what I couldn’t see before,
through the glass of my most battered dream, I watched a dandelion lose its mind in the wind
and when it did, it scattered a thousand seeds.

So the next time I tell you how easily I come out of my skin, don’t try to put me back in
just say here we are together at the window aching for it to all get better
but knowing as bad as it hurts our hearts may have only just skinned their knees knowing there is a chance the worst day might still be coming
let me say right now for the record, I’m still gonna be here
asking this world to dance, even if it keeps stepping on my holy feet

you- you stay here with me, okay?
You stay here with me.
Raising your bite against the bitter dark
Your bright longing
Your brilliant fists of loss
Friend

if the only thing we have to gain in staying is each other,

my god that’s plenty

my god that’s enough
my god that is so so much for the light to give
each of us at each other’s backs whispering over and over and over
“Live”
“Live”
“Live”

Felicia and two sparrows in the blue flower pot. Felicia is looking for some seeds (i put seeds in that pot last wednesday, so are they gone or is there something left), and gets more and more vertical while doing so. Beek in the dirt, tail in the sky, until she's pretty much upside down. At that point she loses her balance and has to correct her position with her wings to not fall. The sparrow closest to her, shoots away. From my bed i couldn't see if it was a sparrow being startled by sudden movement, or a sparrow accidentally pushed out of the pot by a dove regaining balance. But the sparrow was okay, came back a second later, and wasn't scared of sitting close to Felicia again.

i'd really like some thunder please

playing with my slimey snake <3

my partner informed me that pickles taste very different in Europe than in the USA. And now I can't stop thinking about 'reading time with pickle' by Regina Spektor. Did I get the song at all?

if podcasts are your thing, 'this podcast will kill you' did an episode about hanta viruses in 2019. It's episode 18 in their feed. I relistened to it yesterday and it's seems to be still good and reliable information, obviously they don't comment on the current situation.

@roverversteeg@mastodon.social

hey i found your audiobook The Moongazers and am now listening to it. It's such a nice story and you have a lovely voice. Thank you for reading it to me <3

goodnight

ik kan de nieuwsbrief van nmcb echt aanraden.

zij hebben me zojuist bijgepraat over het huidige onderzoek rond ME/CFS, L-Covid, Pais, in taal die simpel genoeg is om door mij begrepen te worden.

Wel te lang voor mij om in 1 keer te lezen, die ene email is voor dagen leesvoer :)

Maar een aanrader dus!

We have to create, it is the only thing louder than destruction.

my migrainemuts is my best teamaking friend

woe.begone has been adding unabridged seasons lately. i think only on the patreon feed, but they put the whole season in 1 audio file, for binge listening or road trips or.
so far seasons 1-6 are out that way, each file about 5,5 hours long. he's going to add on every week until this is caught up with the rest o fthe show (which is at season 21 now, i think).
just wanted to mention that in case anybody wanted to check out my favorite time travel murder podcast and this form is more accessible.
and now.. see you in 5,5 hours, because even though i have listened to seasons 6 for at least 4 times, i have never listened to the unabridged version of seasons 6 and i now i can!

I'd rather sleep on a poppin' balloon mattrass for the rest of my life

goddamnit teabags are scary