Ben Zanin

"That's a smart girl, and a very lovely girl." a-a-and we're back to A03 tagging again #monsterdon

Our man Price, as comfortable with a dishtowel or a shotgun as he is with a microscope and... an adorably grumpy little bat..? #monsterdon

This Bat character is far too comfortable manipulating doorknobs and flashlights and whatnot with inch-long steel talons for me to believe that he has no prior experience working with long fingernails. Or perhaps... SHE..!??! Hath we a murderess??? (no probably not) #monsterdon

MONSTERDON BEGINS oh my this swinging jazz intro music sure is a sign of things to come tonight #monsterdon

Oho, our mystery author in residence is hitting a little too close to home! However shall our cold-blooded man Price outmanoeuvre her without letting on that they have become adversaries, wit against wit unwittingly? #monsterdon

"Listen to this: 'One of the women who lived a moment after the attack described The Bat as a man without a face'." How did she describe anything if her "throat had been torn out as with steel claws", exactly..? #monsterdon

Very sensible precaution there, handing out flashlights. I recommend an Emisar D2 single-channel with a Loneoceans Lume1 hybrid buck/boost LED driver, dual-fuel so it can use LiIon as well as NiMH battery chemistries - good beam shape, high CRI so it's useful for telling murderous criminals apart from police guards making themselves inconspicuous in the dead of night #monsterdon

Every single door and window latch in this place is completely wretched: one gust of wind and every hinge in the place is set a-swinging. #monsterdon

Oh no, a set of steel claws reaches menacingly around the corner of an open door! The two old ladies must spend the night together locked in a room for safety. *immediate sound of dozens of AO3 tags being composed in real time* #monsterdon

(Moorehead's stupendous braid deserves its own credit in this production) #monsterdon

A shady character in a trilby sneaks in while our author is occupied thinking and dining à trois. What's this, our sneak guest slides a grandfather clock aside, revealing a small hidden nook behind it..? And emerging from the shadows behind him, the cruelly clawed hand and shadowy silhouette of THE BAT! #monsterdon

The trilby sneak has snuck his last snook - what a grisly end, to end up throatless and shoved in a locker. No doubt also now without his lunch money, viciously be-wedgied too. #monsterdon

"Where's that police man??" "Oh I don't know, something must have happened to him." ACAB (all cops are bats) #monsterdon

"[...] I brought a staff of servants from my city apartment [...]" Ah, so our protags are mighty rich then, eh? #monsterdon

Suddenly, Dale is Batted!! The Bat dashes past her, racing down the staircase in hot pursuit of Judy! With one vicious pounce The Bat tears out Judy's throat on the staircase, instantly snuffing out the life of the innocent young girl with crucial testimony to deliver in a court case, now never to speak again. Our author hurls an iron fire poker a split second too late, landing a solid impact to the side of The Bat's masked face, who staggers and dashes into the night! #monsterdon

Katie: "what do you call someone who fucks jellyfish?" Me: "I'm putting that question on the internet." Katie: "let me know what the answer is." you heard the lady, please form an orderly queue for submitting answers I'll be in a room as far away as I can muster #monsterdon

*frantically googling "how fast could a swamp boat boat if a swamp boat could boat swamp"* #monsterdon

OH MY GOD IS THAT THE END IT IS THE END And that's a wreck! Jellyfish-Egon perishes horribly in his underwater cave-lair, taking with him the secret of breeding prize-sized jellyfish in captivity! Nobody ever discovers all the dead frat kids? And Hoyt, Karen, and Dr. Tight-shorts fuck off into the sea! Err swamp Thank you for organizing, @Taweret@timeloop.cafe , that was a sheer delight. JELLYFISH JELLYFISH JELLYFISH #monsterdon

hey you know those tendrils that Hoyt just had splayed all over his shirtless chest while grappling with Egon/jellyfish? Haven't we spent the last seventy-five minutes establishing that contact with them leaves intolerably agonizing welts, with stings injecting a venom like that of the cobra? just asking #monsterdon

"But I found the answer: sea water... electricity... and human blood! And some chemicals I stole from your father's lab." "Some chemicals" is doing a lot of heavy lifting in that crucial plot point we just sailed past there #monsterdon

Egon, getting along with people is a complicated pursuit. There is no right way to do it, that's true. But there _is_ a _wrong_ way to do it, and sexual assault is definitely that #monsterdon

The Shape of Water (2017) #monsterdon

Egon gon' get jellied #monsterdon

We have previously established more than once that underwater explosions are terrifying, deadly events because of how hydrostatic shock can basically instantly pulverize your organs, right? That happens in the jellyverse too? Or are they using alternate physics? #monsterdon

Disc 8/8, track 25, $175 https://www.bear-family.com/sedaka-neil-the-complete-1956-1966-8-cd-deluxe-box-set.html I... cannot justify this and yet... #monsterdon

JELLYFISH PUGILISM #monsterdon

who brings a road flare to a jellyfish fight HOYT #monsterdon

A confrontation! The Bat sneaks into the hidden room to crack the safe; the officer on duty activates the door, taking cover and pulling his gun; but he is overcome, missing at close to point blank range and taking a bullet from The Bat's own weapon in turn! But just as our protagonist is cornered by The Bat and about to meet her end... a shot rings out! Her mysterious chauffeur, returning at the last minute, ends The Bat's anonymity, murder spree, and life!! #monsterdon

Price enters into his office, automatic at the ready, to brace The Bat setting the stage for a fake suicide, revealing to the audience that both are villains but not stained with the villainy that we expect! Price monologues his plan to kill The Bat and make truth of the false confession sign; but The Bat reaches up to wreck the light! They tussle in darkness, and to his horror Price is ventilated with his own heater. The Bat flees again into the inky night! #monsterdon

Enter Price through the front door - dishevelled, distraught, disoriented..? He bring with him only a paper-thin pretext, a minor head injury, and absolutely zero adorable fuzzy little bats in his black doctors bag. #monsterdon

Body count: 3 #monsterdon

In about five minutes we'll be kicking off tonight's #monsterdon: "The Bat" (1959), starring this October's hero Vincent Price and also some other people. The movie is just under 90 minutes long, so get ready for a timed mute on the hashtag to dodge the deluge; or quickly scramble to cue up your own stream or copy of the film and join in the madcap mockery!

PLASTIC BAT ON A STRING *wild applause, hooting and hollering, cries of "auteur! auteur!"* #monsterdon

BATS THE BIG BUG SCOURGE OF THE NIGHT SKY #monsterdon

And that's a wreck! Nobody fucks off into the sea but two more skeletons fuck off into the vat of flesh-eating acid in the wine cellar, and two more ghosts join the throng that stalks THE HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL (I love that goofy movie so much, I couldn't even take time away to heckle it!) Thanks for hosting, @Taweret@timeloop.cafe ; and thank you all, #monsterdon, for this very special episode. GOOD NIGHT... OR GOOD BYE

@netbsd@mastodon.sdf.org @gemelen@mammut.moe @kunev can confirm

Holy smokes, I did not expect Vincent Price to pull a Dick Cheney eleven minutes into this feature! Body count: 1 #monsterdon

Body count: 4 #monsterdon

Psst, reminder that this Friday is #BandcampFriday

omg look at that bébé little automatic handgun! absolutely adorable. if they are attacked by a medium-sized rat they can now rest assured that their safety will be as reliable as their marksmanship #monsterdon

(This weirdo is wearing a tie with horizontal stripes with a vertical pinstripe suit? Absolutely unhinged, divorced from reality, clearly a malignant deviant. He's the murderer. Snatch him instantly!) #monsterdon

It is possible I went a bit overboard this #BandcampFriday . 👀 😅 ...nevertheless,,,

"Didn't you say the chain was off the lock?" "I did." "Maybe Miss Van Garter is outside?" "Oh, she never would!" because all the bats are outside, you see, now that the one indoor bat has been removed from the premises #monsterdon

Kudos to the millinery department, these hats are terrific. #monsterdon

Tonight, in about five minutes, we're going to watch "The House on Haunted Hill" (1959), starring Vincent Price and also some other people! It's about 75 minutes long, so you'll need about a 90 minute timed mute on the hashtag #monsterdon if you want to opt out of all the chatter. Alternatively, you still have time to cue up your own copy of the movie and join us in watching it and throwing popcorn at the screen along with us!

Vincent Price looks dashing in hunting-cabin plaid, eh? #monsterdon

Body count: 4 Bat count: 1 #monsterdon

oh of course, the hats are to keep the bats out of their hair. sensible #monsterdon